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Comment by msteffen

Comment

Comment by msteffen

1. At an old apartment complex, there was a little playground in a common area, and it usually had at least one family from the complex there at any given time between about 4:00pm and 8:00pm. It was a terrible playground—small, poorly-maintained, surrounded by roads with fast cars and no fence—and people were still there all the time. I’ve been looking for an even better version of that ever since, but have never been able to find it. I wonder if part of the problem is just land use.

2. The author is surprised that so few other parents took up his pick-up/drop-off offer. I would not have taken such an offer from most of the other parents I know, because I don’t trust anybody I don’t know very well (including other parents) to watch my kids. IMHO, the author’s surprise at other parents’ reluctance doesn’t help (it makes me worried that he doesn’t appreciate how much trust he’s expecting to be handed over), even though I agree with his overall point.

I don’t think this is irrational neuroticism. I think we’ve all—guests and host in this story—lost necessary social skills and cultural cohesion, and getting them back is an important but large project.

To try and illustrate the point with an example: one of my kids has an egg allergy. A group of kids, good as they may be at looking out for each other, is not going to be tracking that. Most parents I know have never thought about what foods in their house have egg in them, or about the egg ladder and which foods are highest risk—why would they? If we were all old friends or in a close, shared community, I think this would come up. By a 7th birthday, this would’ve come up a million times and all sides would have worked through all the implications, and the other kids would know about it because they got a lecture from their parents to be careful with mayonnaise or something, and the host would know there’s an EpiPen in her bag that he might have to use on her if he’s not careful. Multiply this complexity by the number of kids at the party.

I wish we were close enough with the parents we know to understand their kids like our own. I don’t know what the author’s relationship is like with the other parents in the story, but I see in this article a bit of naivety to the reality of what the author is asking for, and I think the article itself is a symptom of the problem it complains about.

Replies msteffen · 2026-08-24
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